Ten Rules For Parents Of Athletes
Last night we had our 2nd Neuro Hockey coaches get together, and it was a great 2-hour conversation. To be part of this group, become a paying subscriber and have access to all the weekly newsletters and a monthly Zoom call with other coaches from around the world.
One of the coaches in the group, Mike Schwartz, coached against me in my high school playing days back in Minnesota and was my coach during the Maroon and Gold game. We have always kept in touch throughout the years, and he has been a great mentor of mine, forcing me to always look at things more deeply and put the athletes first.
After the call last night, he passed along a word document that I will share with you. In our talk, we touched on parents’ education, and I believe the following is the first step in that education.
Lloyd Percival, the fitness expert, once wrote 10 rules for parents of athletic children. Maybe your child will be a great player someday, and maybe he/she will not, but he/she will be a better person if you follow these rules. And if you follow these rules, they will have a lot more fun.
Make sure your child knows that win or lose, you love them. Let them know that you appreciate their effort and that you will not be disappointed in them if they fail. Be the person in his/her life he/she can always look to for support.
Try to be completely honest with yourself about your child’s athletic capability, competitive attitude, sportsmanship, and skill level.
Be helpful, but do not coach your son/daughter on the way to the game or at the breakfast table. Think how tough it must be on them to be continually inundated with advice, pep talks, and criticism.
Teach your child to enjoy the thrill of competition, be "out there trying" to constantly work to improve his/her skills, take the physical bumps, and come back for more. Don't tell him/her that winning doesn't count because it does, and he/she knows it. Instead, help him/her to develop a healthy competitive attitude, a "feel" for competing, for trying hard, for having a good time.
Try not to live your life through your child. You have lost as well as won, you've been frightened, you've backed off at times, you've been the villain. Do not expect any better of him/her. Sure he/she is an extension of you, but do not assume he/she feels the same way you did, wants the same things, or has the same attitudes. Do not push him/her in the direction that will give YOU the most satisfaction.
Don't compete with your son's coach. A coach may become a hero to him/her for a while, someone who can do no wrong, and you may find that hard to take. Or your son/daughter may become disenchanted with the coach. Do not side with him/her against the coach. Talk to him/her about the importance of learning how to handle problems and how to react to criticism. Try to help him/her understand the necessity for discipline, rules, and regulations.
Don't compare your son/daughter with the other players on his team. If he/she tends to resent the treatment he/she gets from the coach if he/she is jealous of the approval other players get, try to be honest with him/her. Please do not lie to them about their capabilities as a player. If you are overly protective, you will perpetuate the problem.
Get to know your child’s coach.
Remember that children tend to exaggerate when they are praised and when they are criticized. Temper your reactions for exaggerating, but don't overreact to the stories he/she tells you.
Teach your son/daughter the meaning of courage. Some of us can climb mountains but are frightened to get into a fight. Some of us can fight without fear but turn into jelly at the sight of a bee. Everyone is frightened by something. Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is learning to perform despite fear. Courage is not getting rid of fear, it is overcoming it.